Thursday, October 23, 2008

People We Think Are Bamas

Once again, our regular segment: People We Think Are Bamas.

Today's bama is:

Shannon Sharpe is a bama.  He is from the Steven A Smith school of over-emphasizing words and loud speech.  'If I'm loud, no one can disagree'.  One thing that Gus Johnson's Whisper hates is when a former player that was good, uses his platform to give himself backhanded compliments.  Charles Barkley calmly says it and is cool.  He doesn't shout his points.  

Why are you shouting Shannon?  

Rules of life: 

-People in glass houses should not throw hard stuff at their windows.

-People with speech issues should not be the loudest guy in the history of football pre-game shows.

Now, football preview shows have gotten absurd.  19 guys.  Everyone over-laughing, and making the same points over and over with a 'comedy piece' to spice things up which leads to more over-laughing.  We all know about it.  What they don't all have, is the loud guy with the lisp always trying to get the last word because he secretly hates Boomer Esiason.  Boomer is a scrapper and he won't back down to the SS.  Pipe down SS.  You're only the 2nd best analyst in your family.  Sterling was tight.  We are still pissed that ESPN can't find a spot for them on their pre-game show and yet they have enough room for Me-Shawn Johnson.

If looney toons had a pre-game show, would you want Sylvester making the most points?

'Lithen, lithen... The Broncoth play no defenth!  None!  How can you win football gamethhh in this league if you play no defenth!?!?!?!?'

Boomer: 'Jay Cutler has done a nice job of...'

(Cut off by Shannon): 'Thath it!  THEY PLAY NO DEFENTH!  They doing nothing!  Whoeverth in charge over there, just bringing in a bunch of Cleveland Browns and they sorry too!'

Bill Cowher: 'That division is wide open right now.  You've got San...'

(Cut off again by Shannon): 'I don't care who'th in that divithon!  You can't do nothin' if you don't play Defenth!  Than Diego, even Oakland play hard thometimess!'

Dan Marino: 'You gotta take care of the hands that take care of you.  Isotoner glo...'

Shannon: 'It don't matter who they have runnin' the ball!  They're just gonna lose a bunch of 40-30 gamesss.  Thith ith the NFL.  The NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE... you CANNOT WIN IN... THIS... (pounding the table with his fist) LEAGUE...Unleth you CAN THTOP TEAMTH FROM THCORING!'

Charley Casserly: 'I drafted Mario Williams because I was worried about what other teams were doing.  You always hear winners talk about building teams based on what other teams do...'

Shannon (tears off his shirt and starts doing pushups): DEFENTH!

James Brown: 'Coming up, we'll go inside the AFC North and try and figure out why NFC football is always more exciting.'

Shannon Sharpe = Bama

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