People We Think Are Bamas

Every Friday at Gus Johnson's Whisper, we'll have something special.  It's a recurring piece called: 'People We Think Are Bamas'.  Installment 1... Now:

Welcome to our regular Friday short piece: People We Think Are Bamas. What’s a Bama you ask? No, it’s not an Alabama football fan. Well, it might be, but not for these purposes. A bama is a DC slang term for a Larry, a Herb, a Chucklehead, a mamaluke, a sustenad, a chooch, or a dumbface. It’s the guy who thinks he’s cool but isn’t at all but some people think he is, which usually makes them bamas too.  

For the eight people who were born and raised and still live in Washington, DC, you know what I’m talking about. You know exactly what a bama is. One way to think of who is a bama is by recognizing someone who is not a bama. John Stamos…not a bama. He was on a tight sitcom, he divorced Rebecca Romijn but everyone still thinks she’s Rebecca Romijn Stamos, he is on ER now, and he stabs more a$$ than a pig farmer.  

For our “People I think Are Bamas” column, we want you to know these are not necessarily the people who made news, or people the bamas on the Best Damn Sports Show Period think are bamas. These are people we don’t like much like, in the same way that Godzilla doesn’t like Mothra (I, too, hate Mothra).  

This week’s bamas are none other than: House and Vijay Singh. House is the dude from the “new, crazy and edgy” doctor show. He walks around with a wack cane (note, all canes that don’t have secret swords in them are wack) and doles out zingers. I have never watched this show. Ever. All I see are the promos for it. They usually go something like this:  

Person: “But House, he could die if you go forward with that radical, never-tested procedure.” 

House: “Yeah. He probably will die. But wouldn’t that be cooooo-oooooool.” 

He also is like Australian or German or something and fakes an American accent. Annoys me. If he’s German, he should talk German. Also, sometimes I want to tear off that fake goatee off his face.  

Vijay Singh is self-explanatory. He all pretends to be as tight as Tiger Woods but then when he loses he gets all mad and angry and pretends he doesn’t know you. I hate his visor. I want his visor to burn so we can all see what his hair looks like. What does your hair look like, Vijay? No one knows. Also, I feel like he is too tall.  

Those are this week's bamas. Join us next week, for People We Think Are Bamas. Don’t hesitate to send us people we should consider.