Monday, April 20, 2009

AL Baseball Bands

Here's an MLB preview after more than a week of games. It's how Gus Johnson's Whisper rolls. AL teams as bands:


Tampa Bay Rays: The Killers. This band was all the rage. They took the world by storm and were in everyone's Ipod rotation. Then, all of a sudden, everyone was bored with them. Young talent! Maybe they overachieved last year, maybe you shouldn't need Jason Bartlett to hit .381, and maybe karma punches your shins because you kept David Price in the minors to avoid paying him money... whatever.

New York Yankees: The Rolling Stones. You have to pay what for a ticket????? Lot of name recognition, just hard to justify the price tag. The SS Sabathia should be striking dudes out on 2 pitches for that kind of money.

Boston Red Sox: The Grateful Dead. The most annoying fans in the world and a band that really isn't that good. Ortiz has a lot of Jerry parallels and their pitching (after a healthy Beckett) scares no one. 'No man, this bootleg is awesome... they go from Magnolia back into John's Cabin back into Ophelia and then into Trucking'. Translation: Pedroia is annoying because of the dumb way he wears his hat.

Toronto Blue Jays: Arcade Fire. Only the awkwardly hardcore fans know about them. Then, these hardcore fans are so over the top about how good they are, the group somehow becomes overrated. Aaron Hill!!!!!!

Baltimore Orioles: The Mickey Mouse Club. There are some stars in the room... you just have to wait until they grow up.

AL Central

Cleveland Indians: The guys that sung that song about walking 1000 miles and then walking another 1000 miles after that so they ended up walking over 2000 miles and have terrible pitching.

Detroit Tigers: Rage Against the Machine. Loud and with something to say. You can't ignore them and Jim Leyland smokes cigarettes.

Kansas City Royals: Bare Naked Ladies. 'I just made you say underwear.'

Minnesota Twins: Creedence Clearwater Revival. They did more with less (3 guys) and they kept it simple. The Twins are gonna pitch, play D, and bunt/hit and run and CCR is gonna kep getting royalties off of Chronicle.

Chicago White Sox: The Clash. A truly nasty band that no one talks about because they are not the first group people think of when they think about their home (London and Chicago). All they do is make good music and rip mediocre pitching.

AL West:

Seattle Mariners: Stone Temple Pilots. A bit obvious but not why you think judgmental jim. It's because the hot start won't translate for the whole season. That's why.

Los Angeles Angels: Jackson Browne. It's because they're 'Running on Empty'. Vlad is 1000 years old in June, pitchers are dropping like heavy objects, and they don't really scare you on offense anymore.

Texas Rangers: Megadeath. They can swing it which is the equivalent of playing really loudly. They pitch like we crochet.

Oakland Athletics: Creed. Would you buy a ticket to see this group? Ladies and gentlemen, it's Dana Eveland and Travis Buck! Can you taaaaaaaaaaake me hiiiiiiii-yer.

We'll rock the NL later this week.

Friday, April 17, 2009


One thing that Gus Johnson's Whisper hates (and by extension, we assume that Gus Johnson must hate as well) is how the NBA MVP is decided. Not so much the voting process, because that is as equitable as the process can be, but rather the 'pack mentality' that develops. It's an interesting phenomenon. At some point during the season, enough analysts, tv personalities, columnists and the like declare '______ is the MVP hands down'. As soon as that tipping point occurs, all the voters rush to line up and cast their ballots for the 'hands down MVP'.

The most glaring example of this occurred last year (repeating this year with Lebron) with Kobe Bryant. Now, Kobe was outstanding last year; this is not up for debate. But, what GJW believes is that the key word in the award is 'Valuable'. The Lakers were a very good team last year (made it to the finals). Do they do that without Kobe? No. But, are they good enough to be a playoff team if you put an average NBA 2 in his place? Absolutely. Especially after the Gasol heist.

2 players last year deserved the NBA MVP more than Kobe Bryant: Lebron James and Chris Paul.

Take either of those 2 guys off their teams, and not only do they not go to the playoffs, but they are in danger of winning the lottery. I won't go into a John Hollinger breakdown as that is not why you are reading. Just know that the same thing happened the year before when Dirk Nowitzki won the award with a season that was not his statistical best (fewer rebounds, pts, blocks, FT attempted per game, steals and somehow, he had a 'transcendent' season.). The award for the '06-'07 year should have gone to either Steve or Kobe Bryant. We could go on and on about this. Email us if you want a further dialogue.

This year's MVP will be Lebron James.

We've past the tipping point and now, much like critics of global warming, any contrarian is shouted down. Lebron is certainly a fine choice as he is the linchpin on the best team in the East and a legit title contender. But again, Valuable is the key word.

Lebron's per game #s of 28.4 pts, 7.6 boards, 7.5 assists, 1.7 steals and 1.2 blocks are incredible. Especially when you consider that he sat out a lot of 4th quarters or large portions of games because his team was rolling. Know what else was incredible? His #s last year. 30 points, 7.9 boards, 7.2 assists, 1.8 steals and 1.1 blocks. Weird. Those numbers look really similar to us. But again, we've had that tipping point occur where there is no doubt in a voter's mind that this year is somehow more special than a better statistical effort from a year ago. The hype has gotten so out of control that Lebron is now being mentioned for the All-Defensive Team. The .1 more blocks per game really were that noticeable?

Cleveland has the exact same team from last year with the exception of Mo Williams. The only possible explanation is that Lebron has a 'special year'. The guy was just as special last year.

As for this season, the MVP should be Dwayne Wade.

Think about Miami's squad. Lottery team last year with Wade hurt. It happened. They were epic bad. This year, a rotating cast of dung surrounded Wade. Literally, without him, this team might have won 10 games. With defenses keying only on him, with no one else capable of getting to the basket to create space, with no post scoring, with a clueless rookie coach, and every other factor working against him, he did this:

30.2, 5 boards, 7.5 assists, 2.2 steals, 1.7 blocks. Give him the Cavs group of shooters, he gets 9 assists per. It's hard to get an assist when you are kicking it out to Joel Anthony.

Again, look at those defensive numbers. 4 blocks and steals per game from a 2 guard. Yet, no All-Defensive mention. He'll finish a distant 2nd in the voting which is OK because it means that he might get a make-up MVP at someone else's expense. We guess that's the pattern, you don't earn the MVP the year you should, you get delayed a year or 2 and earn the right hype.

Friday, April 10, 2009

The April Bama

Josh McDaniels. What a bama. Amazing. We're sure this dude knows offense pretty well and we get it, he's a young gun in a league desperate for some legit coaching talent. Let's go deeper as to why this chooch is a bama of the highest order.

-Is Brian Billick a great offensive mind? Everyone thought so when he coached the offense that (at the time) set the record for points in a season. 2 hall of fame receivers (1, the greatest deep threat ever and the other a 1st down machine), a great O-line, good running backs and a great veteran QB... we could look like a genius too. This is the same sustenad who made first downs look like 11 homeless guys rubbing wet sticks together in the rain when he coached in Baltimore. See our point? Hand a guy Tom Brady, that same greatest deep receiver ever, an incredible O-line and good running backs, and a 1st down making underneath guy... weird that his offense was good.

-The Bill Belichick coaching tree sucks like the dude who asks you what you do for a living in the 1st 30 seconds of a conversation. Wanna know who's successful? Nick Saban as a college coach. That's it and that's all.

Here come the rest of the chooch parade:

-Romeo Crennel: One of the 14 worst NFL head coaches we can name. Makes clock management look like splitting the atom with a pair of reeboks on your hands.
-Charlie Weis: Fat guy in a little coat
-Eric Mangini: Remember the time he didn't deserve his nickname? That's always.
-Al Groh (UVA): He recruits like he hates recruits
-Pat Hill (Fresno Sate): Remember when Reggie Bush had 500 total yards in a game? It was against Fresno State.
-Kirk Ferentz: After Ohio State, Michigan, Penn State, Michigan State, Wisconsin, and Purdue, they're the best team in the Big 10!
-Jim Schwartz: The new Detroit Lions coach. We'll see.

Why would anyone anoint a BB underling as next?

-You can tell that this enormous bama believes every word about him. What got lost in all of the Cutler gong show, was the fact that the new coach, alienated the franchise QB. The Broncos GM, had Cutler signed long term as the center of the team. They were going to build around him and have an outstanding young group of offensive players (Brandon Marshall, Eddie Royal, Ryan Clady, Ryan Harris). This was a young team on the way up. A great offense and a D that clearly needed to improve. Here comes the new coach... and he starts making pee pee on the center of it all. Players win games. Even though Cutler is a punk, he was still under contract. Part of coaching is figuring out how to get the most out of your players. Trading them for Kyle Orton is not getting the most out of a guy who threw for 4500 yards and 26TDs as a 25 year old.

-He rocks the same kind of gear as Belichick. This is now hacky. I dress down! Look at me! Hooded sweatshirt, I'm so one of the guys. Accept me! Why are you guys all leaving? Come back!

-His dumb short hair. You can tell it's one of those 'I don't have time for hair maintenance!' haircuts. You're not that important bruh.

-He went to John Carroll University and is the type of dude that sportswriters who sucked at sports always write about because bamas like McDaniels got overlooked and carved out careers for themselves and blah blah blah. Listen, sometimes guys develop late. Sometimes, guys weren't that good coming out of high school. When a small school guy makes it, there should be a ban on ball washing puff pieces from dumb columnists.

Congrats to Josh McDaniels. A true bama for the ages.