We're Back!

It's been too long friends and readers and other people that search for things online and are randomly taken here. It's mostly our fault and here at Gus Johnson's Whisper, we promise anew to bring you things to read and comment on.

Here's some stuff on our minds:

-The Oregon Ducks getting all punchy at Boise State.

Look, we played sports at a pretty high level for a lot of years. We have argued, seemingly to no one, that teams should not interact after the game ends. We're a big believer in shaking hands before the game. Once the game starts, we are not your friend. Asking a young man to 'shut it off', especially in a sport that requires as much aggression as football, is a much harder task that non-athletic media members realize. Players should shake hands before the game and then retire to separate quarters. We're amazed there aren't more of these incidents in sports. 'WTF do you mean good game? You beat me and now I have to look at you and shake your hand and pretend it isn't eating at my soul?'

We learned our lesson the hard way when, after a regional game as a 14 year old, a 15 year old from Macon, GA punched our mouth after we told him 'great game' (we won 13-2). Pre-game shake people.

-Football is back.

We said football, but really meant absurdly large breasts... no, we meant football. Here's our quick hitting NFL preview so that you won't have to waste the next 26 weeks:

NFC Playoff teams: Giants, Eagles, Carolina, Minnesota, Green Bay, Seattle.

NFC Championship Game: Eagles/Green Bay - Eagles Win (we throw up on repeat)

AFC Playoff teams: New England, Indianapolis, San Diego, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Tennessee

AFC Championship Game: New England/Baltimore - Baltimore Win

Superbowl: Eagles/Ravens - Ravens win and a crisis is averted.

-MLB Pennant Races

The Yankees are running away with the division. Their playoff rotation seems solid (Sabathia, Burnett, and Petite) but there are still some questions. They don't seem to know what to do about a 4th and 5th starter. No one notices because they score 46 runs per game right now but that's not how the playoffs go. Seems to us, the best chance they have to win this year is to make Joba the Hutt a reliever again. We think that's the secret behind the 3 inning performances of late. He turns into a weapon in a series. You can use him for 2-3 innings to get to Riviera. It shortens the game and he can just go out and pitch instead of trying to economize and pace himself. Who knows if that's what they do, but it's what we would do if we actually wanted to win the World Series.

The Angels and Tigers are both a little bit nasty but also flawed right now. Who knows who gets hot? (Cardinals '06 for example)but right now, we'd be nervous both as fans of these squads or as fans opposing them.

Short series with Detroit? It's cold and I have to see Verlander and Jackson twice? You might also get one of those 'rookie with huge sack' outings from Rick Porcello. Then again, you can pitch to most of their bats. Bunch of strikeout guys and spare parts around Miguel Cabrera so their offense is as scary as a Lifetime movie.

The Angels have a complete lineup that wears pitching down. The whole lineup is above .300 and they can all do it against good pitching because they don't muscle up. Their problem? What pitchers scare you? Lackey and Weaver are not the kind of power arms that usually rule the post season. After that? We went 2/2 vs Joe Saunders and hit a line drive so hard, he hurt his neck spinning around (no he didn't).

In the NL, Philly looks old all of a sudden don't they? Rollins isn't the same and Ibanez realized that he is, in fact, Raul Ibanez and stopped the fantasy ruining nonsense. The Dodgers have a different lineup every day and their pitching is kind of breaking down. The Cards look great but that's just it. When was the last time the team that was 'supposed to' won the NL? It's always a wild card team or some forgotten division winner. Go back and look. The Cards are complete but you still see a weakness or 2 in there (bullpen has been a little shaky of late, someone between Ankiel/Duncan/Rasmus/DeRosa has to hit).

Still, the prediction is...

Yankees vs Cardinals - Yanks win. Annoying.

More to come.

AL Baseball Bands

Here's an MLB preview after more than a week of games. It's how Gus Johnson's Whisper rolls. AL teams as bands:

AL EAST:

Tampa Bay Rays: The Killers. This band was all the rage. They took the world by storm and were in everyone's Ipod rotation. Then, all of a sudden, everyone was bored with them. Young talent! Maybe they overachieved last year, maybe you shouldn't need Jason Bartlett to hit .381, and maybe karma punches your shins because you kept David Price in the minors to avoid paying him money... whatever.

New York Yankees: The Rolling Stones. You have to pay what for a ticket????? Lot of name recognition, just hard to justify the price tag. The SS Sabathia should be striking dudes out on 2 pitches for that kind of money.

Boston Red Sox: The Grateful Dead. The most annoying fans in the world and a band that really isn't that good. Ortiz has a lot of Jerry parallels and their pitching (after a healthy Beckett) scares no one. 'No man, this bootleg is awesome... they go from Magnolia back into John's Cabin back into Ophelia and then into Trucking'. Translation: Pedroia is annoying because of the dumb way he wears his hat.

Toronto Blue Jays: Arcade Fire. Only the awkwardly hardcore fans know about them. Then, these hardcore fans are so over the top about how good they are, the group somehow becomes overrated. Aaron Hill!!!!!!

Baltimore Orioles: The Mickey Mouse Club. There are some stars in the room... you just have to wait until they grow up.

AL Central

Cleveland Indians: The guys that sung that song about walking 1000 miles and then walking another 1000 miles after that so they ended up walking over 2000 miles and have terrible pitching.

Detroit Tigers: Rage Against the Machine. Loud and with something to say. You can't ignore them and Jim Leyland smokes cigarettes.

Kansas City Royals: Bare Naked Ladies. 'I just made you say underwear.'

Minnesota Twins: Creedence Clearwater Revival. They did more with less (3 guys) and they kept it simple. The Twins are gonna pitch, play D, and bunt/hit and run and CCR is gonna kep getting royalties off of Chronicle.

Chicago White Sox: The Clash. A truly nasty band that no one talks about because they are not the first group people think of when they think about their home (London and Chicago). All they do is make good music and rip mediocre pitching.

AL West:

Seattle Mariners: Stone Temple Pilots. A bit obvious but not why you think judgmental jim. It's because the hot start won't translate for the whole season. That's why.

Los Angeles Angels: Jackson Browne. It's because they're 'Running on Empty'. Vlad is 1000 years old in June, pitchers are dropping like heavy objects, and they don't really scare you on offense anymore.

Texas Rangers: Megadeath. They can swing it which is the equivalent of playing really loudly. They pitch like we crochet.

Oakland Athletics: Creed. Would you buy a ticket to see this group? Ladies and gentlemen, it's Dana Eveland and Travis Buck! Can you taaaaaaaaaaake me hiiiiiiii-yer.

We'll rock the NL later this week.

I Feel Deep Regret

By now, you've all seen it.  If you haven't, being Amish in 2009 must be going great:

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=3895585&categoryid=2521705

It's the complete Alex Rodriguez interview with Peter Gammons.

Yawn.

A-Rod has been schooled in phony PR since he was an 18 year old senior at Miami Dade Christian High School.  He never speaks out of turn, always says 'the right thing', and is generally as boring and manufactured a media figure as you'll find.  It's smart though.  People can't stand this guy and yet, he mints money.  He's in everything and has signed 2 different 10 year contract worth over $25o million.  Have you met my friend here, Mr Ho-Lee Sheet?

Here is the official reaction of Gus Johnson's Whisper to these developments;

-He did himself a service by his 'admission' (we put it in quotes because he says things like 'I admit to being naive' which are attempts to remove some culpability on his part).  If you look at the sh*t shows that guys like Bonds, McGwire, Palmeiro etc have/are going through, the best course is to come clean.  Of course A-Rod came about as clean as a pair of underwear worn by a man for 52 days in a row.

-We're still taken aback at all the 'surprise' that people seem to be feeling.  Everyone knew.  It was around.  Guys that we played with in summer ball, guys that we knew from being around baseball etc. everyone of them had a story about a guy who was using or whole teams using, clubhouse attendants going on roid runs like they were picking up soda, and so on.  Everyone knew.

-We get upset at the 'moral outrage' of columnists/pundits (like the NY writer who said the yankees should release A-Rod no matter what the cost).  It's so easy to 'take a stand' against this sort of thing.  They can't affect wether or not a guy is allowed to play so they strike in the only forum they can, Hall of Fame voting.  Because they don't sit on MLB rules committees, or participate in hearings, or have any influence on who is allowed to play, they use their little pulpits to express their opinions.  We get annoyed at sportswriters inserting themselves in the debate.

-Of course it's long overdue to have effective testing.  No one should argue differently.  No one was complaining after the strike, when all the homeruns and Cal's streak brought fans back.  It's the dirty little secret that owners turned a blind eye and rewarded guys with deals.  For every A-Rod, there were 3 dozen guys who were just trying to get 1 big free agent deal.

-We ask where you draw the line.  Meaning, we all agree that roids are wrong.  Fine.  But, 162 over 7 months is beyond hard.  Can guys not take caffeine pills but drink strong coffee?  Can guys not eat lots of carbs on gamedays because they can get energy?  What suppliments are OK and what are not?  Everyone's body is different so a suppliment might not help one guy but change another's entire game.  It's a weird time because we don't know where you can draw the line.

-In sum, we're not bothered by guys that did it.  It's easy to cast a stone, call it wrong, and move on.  We for one, don't particularly care if a guy did or didn't.  The culture rewarded it and now, the culture is being changed.  Each player had to live with his decisions, weighing $ against long term health, his chance to keep his dream alive for another season or 2 against begging for a spring training invite while ignoring the writing on every wall.  Pro sports are merciless and cruel.  99% of the time, guys are let go without ceremony and the season goes on.  Guys that have worked their entire lives have everything they know taken away from them by a handshake from an assistant GM who has a computer program that measures defensive efficiency.  We don't care.  Make your choices but be prepared to live with them.

Waiting for Manny

Baseball free agency this year is weird.  The first round of players got signed in a timely manner and the process played out like a normal off-season.  Then something happened or rather, stopped happening.  Teams are refusing to pony up ANY money whatsoever to sign players that could help them.

The trend now in MLB is to grow your own talent within the organization.  It was such a profound trend that it led the Yankees last year to refuse to deal prospects for the best pitcher of this generation who, by all accounts, has several great years left.  Now, those prospects who were 'untouchable', will not even make the rotation this year or next.  Ask a real Yankee fan about Phillip Hughes and they might punch your mouth.

Look at this:

Bobby Abreu, Garrett Anderson, Orlando Cabrerra, Adam Dunn, Orlando Hudson, Ivan Rodriguez, Ben Sheets, Randy Wolf, and of course, Manny Ramirez.

You're telling me that nobody wants to nut up and toss a 2 year deal for a guy that gets on base at close to a 40% clip and has had huge years outside the Bronx?  Nobody needs a 20/20 guy that scores 100 runs a year?  Memo to every team that didn't win the world series: Abreu could help you.

What about a Gold Glove 2nd baseman that hits around .300?  Oh, so you're all set with the USS Belly-ard Nationals?

We really don't get this.  The point is to win the championship and there are guys out there right now who could help teams do that but whatever.  It's like so many teams are feeding their fans horsepoop and somehow, we are eating it and asking for more.  How is this acceptable?  We need the Bureau of Fan Intervention like never before.

We're sure you all saw the news that Manny Ramirez turned down the Dodgers 1 year/$25 million offer.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3880836

Lots of columnists (like Bill Simmons: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=manny) don't understand why teams aren't clamoring to sign Manny.  These guys point to his .396 average in his time with the Dodgers, his career totals, and the 'raw deal' he got from Boston.

These guys don't get it.  Here's why with some bullet points which means that the points are valid:

-.396 just proves he was tanking in Boston.  No one thinks he's not capable.  Everyone knows he is.  It's just that Manny has entered Bondsian territory of being more trouble than he is worth.

-If you think Boras manipulated Manny and are giving him a pass (you're wrong), say you're right, what makes you think you won't have to go through something else?  Boras forcing a trade, voiding a deal and seeking a raise when the economy gets better, or any of the millions of other things that Manny does that are a nightmare for any team.

-If you think Manny will behave himself, what are you basing that on?  If you think he's motivated by personal milestones, you don't know enough things.  You don't know about how the Indians had to beg Manny not to take days off when he was chasing Hack Wilson's RBI record.  You don't know how the Tribe front office couldn't wait to be rid of the daily headache of assigning an army of attendants to make sure their professional hitter was where he was supposed to be.

-If you are one of those dudes that goes: 'Manny being Manny' then you shouldn't be allowed to have cable.  That's a press invention.  If you played sports beyond 8th grade, you know the truth.  Guys like that disrupt your team.  The rules that everyone else has to play by don't apply to a 'star' and it ruins things.  It's a fracture and it's always at the forefront, always discussed, debated, and analyzed.  You answer questions about it, you fight with your teammates about it, and you suffer because one guy isn't accountable to his teammates.  To a young team or a team that is learning how to win, this can be the kiss of death.

-If you do sign him at this point, you are getting a guy that can hit.  When will he hit?  You think he'll be a happy little soldier because you low-balled him and earned his services because no one else would?  You think this pouting, tanking, space cadet will want to show up and play hard for you?  You have to look at the whole body of work, not just the most recent.  3 months of good citizenship?  Not enough for us, at least not at that price.

BCS... Really?

'Yes it's true... this man has no d*ck'.

That's Dan Beebe (not to be confused with Don, or that show Bebe's Kids which tens of people saw).  He's a bagadouche.

Here's what D Beebs and his crew from 'usually over-rated but actually tight this year' Big 12 (note: the Holy Roman Empire should have no impact on collegiate football.  Further, the use of Roman Numerals is awkward in general and is something that overly 'look how smart I am people' use to keep the rest of us down. Use numbers bruh.) did:

They couldn't decide who should play for the Big 12 title game against Missouri.  3 teams, Oklahoma, Texas, and Texas Technical University (note: It's actually just 'Tech'.  Isn't 'tech' an abbreviation for something?  Like, 'he's a tech guy', 'Tek from Real World, 'I'll deploy the Technobots).  So the rich men who are made rich by the BCS, waited for the BCS rankings to come out, and summarily decided that Oklahoma should play in the Conference Championship Game.

Forget the corruption, back-room glad-handing, and millions of dollars changing hands.  This is a gutless move.  This is the conference waiting for someone else to share their opinion, then coming out and saying: 'yes... well, we agreed all along.'  Without gut.  Here are some other gutless actions:

-Lou Diamond Phillips saying that Meg Ryan was dead in 'Courage Under Fire'.  Hard for us to criticize LDP, dude was Chavez in Young Guns, one of our favorite movies ever.  But come on bruh.

-The decision to release Final Fantasy 13 on XBOX 360.  There are XBOX people and there are PS 3 people.  They can hang out and play the other system but it is NOT cool for the signature games to just walk across to the other system.  This isn't 'red rover'.  The FF series is a Playstation series, just the same way that Halo is an XBOX thing.  Oil and water.

-The sensei from Karate Kid finding another karate guy and trying to ruin Daniel-san's life.  The kid won the All-Valley Karate Tournament.  Let it go broseph.

-Andy Reid passing a note to someone else who had to pass it to Donovan Mcnabb.  The note read: 

'Do you think you're benched?

Yes ______

No______'

-Lindsay Lohan going lesbian.  Just chicken.

-The people that make those top 100 video countdowns and always disrespect 'Smooth Criminal'.  Never gets talked about.  #1 in our opinion.

-Comedians who say 'Give it up for the ladies!'

-People not from New York who root for the Yankees.

-Networks who get all uppity about their content on youtube.  God forbid people see shows they like.  No I do not think there will be more traffic to cbs.com because it's the only place you can find NCIS.  Chooch.

-McDonald's for buying Roy Rogers and not keeping all the Roy Rogerses open.  The Frisco Bacon Cheeseburger is the greatest fast food sandwich of all time.  Unacceptable that it's gone.

Who's Got More?