Waiting for Manny

Baseball free agency this year is weird.  The first round of players got signed in a timely manner and the process played out like a normal off-season.  Then something happened or rather, stopped happening.  Teams are refusing to pony up ANY money whatsoever to sign players that could help them.

The trend now in MLB is to grow your own talent within the organization.  It was such a profound trend that it led the Yankees last year to refuse to deal prospects for the best pitcher of this generation who, by all accounts, has several great years left.  Now, those prospects who were 'untouchable', will not even make the rotation this year or next.  Ask a real Yankee fan about Phillip Hughes and they might punch your mouth.

Look at this:

Bobby Abreu, Garrett Anderson, Orlando Cabrerra, Adam Dunn, Orlando Hudson, Ivan Rodriguez, Ben Sheets, Randy Wolf, and of course, Manny Ramirez.

You're telling me that nobody wants to nut up and toss a 2 year deal for a guy that gets on base at close to a 40% clip and has had huge years outside the Bronx?  Nobody needs a 20/20 guy that scores 100 runs a year?  Memo to every team that didn't win the world series: Abreu could help you.

What about a Gold Glove 2nd baseman that hits around .300?  Oh, so you're all set with the USS Belly-ard Nationals?

We really don't get this.  The point is to win the championship and there are guys out there right now who could help teams do that but whatever.  It's like so many teams are feeding their fans horsepoop and somehow, we are eating it and asking for more.  How is this acceptable?  We need the Bureau of Fan Intervention like never before.

We're sure you all saw the news that Manny Ramirez turned down the Dodgers 1 year/$25 million offer.

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3880836

Lots of columnists (like Bill Simmons: http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=manny) don't understand why teams aren't clamoring to sign Manny.  These guys point to his .396 average in his time with the Dodgers, his career totals, and the 'raw deal' he got from Boston.

These guys don't get it.  Here's why with some bullet points which means that the points are valid:

-.396 just proves he was tanking in Boston.  No one thinks he's not capable.  Everyone knows he is.  It's just that Manny has entered Bondsian territory of being more trouble than he is worth.

-If you think Boras manipulated Manny and are giving him a pass (you're wrong), say you're right, what makes you think you won't have to go through something else?  Boras forcing a trade, voiding a deal and seeking a raise when the economy gets better, or any of the millions of other things that Manny does that are a nightmare for any team.

-If you think Manny will behave himself, what are you basing that on?  If you think he's motivated by personal milestones, you don't know enough things.  You don't know about how the Indians had to beg Manny not to take days off when he was chasing Hack Wilson's RBI record.  You don't know how the Tribe front office couldn't wait to be rid of the daily headache of assigning an army of attendants to make sure their professional hitter was where he was supposed to be.

-If you are one of those dudes that goes: 'Manny being Manny' then you shouldn't be allowed to have cable.  That's a press invention.  If you played sports beyond 8th grade, you know the truth.  Guys like that disrupt your team.  The rules that everyone else has to play by don't apply to a 'star' and it ruins things.  It's a fracture and it's always at the forefront, always discussed, debated, and analyzed.  You answer questions about it, you fight with your teammates about it, and you suffer because one guy isn't accountable to his teammates.  To a young team or a team that is learning how to win, this can be the kiss of death.

-If you do sign him at this point, you are getting a guy that can hit.  When will he hit?  You think he'll be a happy little soldier because you low-balled him and earned his services because no one else would?  You think this pouting, tanking, space cadet will want to show up and play hard for you?  You have to look at the whole body of work, not just the most recent.  3 months of good citizenship?  Not enough for us, at least not at that price.

The Not Probable Things That Happen

The Rays are going to the World Series.  Say that outloud.  Now try and picture yourself 2 years ago in the Spring.  Maybe you're wearing shorts, maybe not.  Regardless, picture watching that horrendous, 61 win, AAAA squadron.  Think about how, in 2 years, this team would be playing for the World Series in the same division as Goliath and the other Goliath with a New England accent.  It doesn't seem possible.

Around the diamond in 2006:

Toby Hall: we are not sure about this, but we heard that Toby Hall is currently working security at home games.

Travis Lee: Attempted to eat the whole wheel of cheese like Baxter.  Foiled by lactose intolerance.

Jorge Cantu: Played so poorly that the Marlins were like: 'ummm yeah we want him.  We can pay him $80 a week to play in our football stadium!'

Julio Lugo: Once dubbed: 'the shortstop of the present' by teams that needed a stopgap.

Ty Wiggington: This guy was once named the 13th best 3rd base prospect in the Devil Rays organization by Baseball America.

Carl Crawford: Crawford is a latin word for 'fantasy player drafted 3 rounds too early'

Rocco Baldelli: 'ouch. My mitochondria is sore today skip.'

Damon Hollins: I swear to God that Damon Hollins played over 120 games for the Rays in 2006.  I thought he was a small forward at a mid-major school just like everyone else did.

I'm not gonna go into their pitching.  Just know that Cassey Fossum, Tim Corcoran, and Jae Wang-Seo are heavily involved.

Anyway, here are some other improbable things that have happened recently.  Let's top 10 this b*tch.

10) Kerry Collins quarterbacks a 6-0 team while Vince Young, the nastiest college football player since that white guy with the weird stride won the Heisman in the 40's, goes to a therapist because he has some sand in his noonie.  If you had that before the season started, you were also the same guy who thought the world was ending at midnight of the year 2000 and bought 4000 twinkies.

9) The Davidson Wildcats almost beating Kansas in the Final 8 of the NCAA Tourney this year.  To put this into perspective, I was recruited to play baseball at Davidson.  They stopped recruiting me once they found out what my GPA was.  Wish I made that up.

8) The Celtics acquire Ray Allen and Kevin Garnett and go from the worst team in the East to the Champions.  Pretty astounding.  I guess anything is possible...

7) Marty McFly's basketball team in Teen Wolf beating their rivals without the wolf.

Listen, Marty could only go right and dribbled with his head down.  

They also re-cycled footage of the same runner that bounced around the rim before it drops.  

No shot the Dragons would lose this game in real life...

6) The Detroit Lions are 0-6. Hahaha! Do you get it? That was a joke because 

of course they are 0-6. All of us at Gus Johnson's Whisper are surprised their record isn't 

worse. They only thing holding them back is the schedule.

5) Billy Packer being dismissed by CBS. This is a stunning move because it is the first time 

in the history of the world that a network made a move that makes it's viewers happy.  

Dangerous precedent here. How miserable was that guy? Really miserable is the answer.  

He roles by what we call the 'key hole method'. Early in the game, he creates a key hole by 

making some kind of wild sweeping point about one of the teams. Everything that happens 

afterwards must fit through that key hole; regardless of the outcome. Go away you carmudgeon.

4) Joe Torre manages Nomar Garciappara, Derek Lowe, and Manny Ramirez on a playoff team.

Think back to 2 years ago and figure out the scenario where that could happen. We'll wait.

3) The Chicago Bears and the Minnesota Vikings combined for 89 points... in a single game.  

If I was hidden underground for 4 weeks and emerged today looking for a report on the NFL, 

I would ABSOLUTELY believe you if you said: 'Bears and Vikings combined to score 89 points 

this month'

2) The NHL still exists. One of my favorite games to play is: 

NHL team or Arena Football Squad.  

Try these: The Columbus Blue Jackets, Tampa Bay Storm, the Atlanta Thrashers, 

the Nashville Predators, the Orlando Predators. I think you get my point.

1) Of course, the #1 here has got to be the Rays making their name worse by dropping 

'Devil' from it and still succeeding. This is like the ultimate sports karma move.  

Teams that do this to be sensitive are always doomed to suckiness. And yet, miraculously, 

the Rays are going to the World Series.