On Friday March 20th, Gus Johnson’s Whisper got together with The World’s Ombudsman to watch the tournament. The following is a running diary.
1PM-GJW arrives at the TWO’s apt. We eat dumplings. The full meal cost $4. Recession b*tches.
1:10-1:30-We look at facebook pictures.
1:30-CBS gives us Gus Johnson then takes him away. This is a cruel act.
1:31-GJW makes the first joke about Jim Spanarkal (who is partnered with I-an Eagle). One of the jokes involves the word ‘merkel’.
1:33-The OK St./Tenn game comes on because it’s close. Vern Lundquist. Really? This feels like figure skating. This game is a reminder that the Big XII and SEC were really terrible this year.
1:38-We realize that when you watch games online on NCAA.com, you can’t switch games during commercials. We both realize this is smart because that’s exactly what you want to do but it’s also annoying because that’s exactly you want to do.
1:45-Gus Johnson is back. Len Elmore tells us that turnovers are bad for a team with a lead. There was some confusion over this. Settled!
1:46-TWO informs us that he picked North Dakota State to beat Kansas. This is not a good pick, even if they win, it’s still not good. This is like someone bragging about how early they wake up in the morning. You know what? I’m more rested than you because sleep is awesome.
1:48- Gus Johnson is building his excitement. 3 point game with 14 to play. Kansas is nervous. GJ is excited. He can sense that upset. He’s like a lion stalking a herd of gazelle on the African plains.
1:52-NDST makes a bucket. We discuss the white wash and how awkward it is for the one black guy on the bench. What music gets played in the locker room?
1:55-TWO explains the definition of a ‘Cheap 6’. We can’t link to it here but it’s fascinating.
1:56- Gus Johnson compares a SDST player to Steve Nash and accuses him of being ‘A BALLER!’ We love Gus Johnson.
1:58-Applebees Commercial. Who goes to Applebees? Like who says: ‘I need to hit up the Bees right now or I’ll be so angry I could spit’?
2:00-GJ is just carrying Len Elmore right now. LE is reading off stats with the excitement of a librarian on lithium. Why can’t they just pair GJ with Raftery? I guess that makes too much sense.
2:03-GJ makes a joke about Archie Bell. Who in hell is Archie Bell? It’s as awkward as it sounds.
2:04-A BS charge is called against NDST. The charge is ruining basketball. We blame Duke.
2:06-NDST has no answer for Collins or Aldrich. The 3s aren’t falling. Yet, they are only down 5. Ben Woodside. Remember that name. Remember it because you’ll never see him again unless you take a tour of a national park. He’ll be giving the tour.
2:07-GJ has to read a promo for the Mentalist. We’re going to have to watch the show now. That’s how good GJ is, he makes terrible crime dramas on CBS sound serviceable.
2:15-Kansas goes up 10. GJ says they are beginning to ‘stiffen up’ the D. See you later Gus. We’re changing games now.
2:18-Shot of Travis Ford, Oklahoma State’s coach. TWO and GJW discuss how he could pull a great Billy Hoyle routine on an all black court in LA. ‘I may be a chump. Just saying that ain’t my name. I played for Pitino.’
2:20-Verne Lundquist says ‘double bonus’. It sounds like he’s talking about a real estate deal. He fits college hoops like a bear fits into a book club.
2:23-GJW and TWO eat a Clementine. How good are clementines? Why are they not called ‘lil’ oranges’. Or ‘Lornges’?
2:27-OSU calls a timeout. Tie game with 1:30 left. What are they discussing? ‘Hey, listen up! Neither of these teams should be in the tourney. One of us should be St. Mary’s. So get out there and be futile.’
2:29-Raftery uses ‘physicallity’ and ‘whirling derivsh’ in a sentence. Awesome.
2:31-OSU ball down 1, 10 seconds…. AND 1! Wow! Raftery… ‘THE KISS!’ ‘Loungerie on the DECK!’ He’s incredible.
2:33-Quick cut to Marquette icing it against Utah St. If Utah is a state university, why do you need Utah State? Sell the naming rights.
2:34-The color guy on the Marquette game said this: ‘The best case for Utah State here is for Marquette to miss both free throws. The second best case is for him to miss 1.’ We are unsure as to the 3rd best scenario.
2:36-Tennessee loses. Sad. No more Bruce Pearl. Quick cut to Marquette. Utah State banks in a 3 to go down 2 with 23 left. It’s interesting again. We feel bad for Marquette because they lost a great player on a freak injury. They would have been a much better team. Now, they’re Utah State good.
2:38-We check our email. We get an email from Williams Sonoma. We’re on a mailing list b/c of a wedding registry. The couple is now divorced. Where are we in the settlement? We sunk $ and energy into that thing and we get nothing back. We’re still deleting emails every other day from Pottery Barn too. See what we’re saying?
2:41-Marquette wins. Exciting game. Think about what we said Utah State… think about it.
2:45-Temple/Arizona State is just starting. This will be our definitive ‘Evaluation of James Harden and wether he should be a top 10 pick like everyone is saying.’ We’re trying to be unbiased but we’re leaning towards ‘not’.
2:57-Deonte Christmas drills another 3. Temple sucks but this dude is nasty. Someone could do a lot worse than drafting this guy… a lot worse like James Harden? It’s not like they’re matched up against each other so you can get a good comparison.. what's that? They're covering each other... Ah... Let's move on.
2:59-Gene Hackman does Loes voiceovers. He’s done it for years. Gary Sinice is doing Army ads. Neither of these guys needs the $. You can’t book another voiceover guy for these things?
3:00-Why is it ‘I-an Eagle?’ It’s ‘ee-an’ for everyone else. If we knew him, we’d never stop pointing this out.
3:03-bad pass comes to Harden. He could have gone down 1 on 1 in transition. Instead, he pulls back and runs the offense. Wouldn’t lottery picks just go score there? The answer is yes. We don’t get it.
END PART 1