No Bamas This Week, Instead: A Video Game Countdown

This week, we are living bama free and are taking a break from our normal column.  Today, with some of our buddies, we were asked (because we are a relative authority on this), to compile a list of both the top NES (original Nintendo) and the top games on all systems.  The following is what was sent out to the group:

In a twist, I myself crashed.  I have now rebooted and believe I can come up with something for everyone.  I hope everyone enjoys this.

Nintendo Games for the original NES (note, you can play nintendo games online here: http://www.nintendo8.com/):

1) The Legend of Zelda

2) Metroid

3) Mike Tyson's Punchout (the version released after the rape charge had 'Mr Dream' at the end and was no where near as tight)

4) Dragon Warrior 

5) Super Tecmo Bowl

6) Castlevania II: Simon's Quest

7) Super Mario Brothers

8) Final Fantasy

9) Mega Man

10) Contra

11) The Adventures of Lolo

12) Kid Icarus

13) Baseball Stars (would be higher but it was frustrating because you would ALWAYS lose the saved data)

14) Star Tropics

15) Dragon Warrior IV

16) Wizards and Warriors (most underrated video game ever made) 

17) Maniac Mansion

18) Crystalis

19) Castlevania III: Dracula's Curse

20) Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

21) Rygar (this would be a top 3 game ever if there were continues or a password. You had to beat it in 1 sitting which lowers it)

22) Shadowgate

23) Super Mario Brothers 3

24) Ducktales

25) Faxanadu

Top video games on any system (PC not eligible):

1) The Legend of Zelda (NES).  I wrote an article about this for IGN.  It changed everything.  It was the Star Wars of Video Games.  Blended action RPG, smooth and layered gameplay, incredible story, perfect difficulty, graphically superior to it's contemporaries.  It was literally perfect.  Also, the cartridge was gold.

2) Final Fantasy VII (playstation): to give you an idea, this game has spawned 2 movies, 4 video game spin-offs, and millions of fans world wide.  Further, my boy ***** and I spent 199 hours and 59 minutes getting through half the game together.  400 hours.  The standard for all RPGs forevermore.  I literally just got dusty in my eyes thinking about how tight this game is.

3) Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (PS 2): They worked out the bugs so it played smooth, the soundtrack is INCREDIBLE, the things you get to do are amazing (you direct a porn movie with Jenna Jameson for example), the missions are great.  The series peaked right here.

4) Super Metroid (SNES): simply put, an amazing game

5) NHL 94 (Genesis): greatest sports game ever made

6) Mike Tyson's punchout (NES)

7) Zelda: Ocarina of Time (N 64)

8) Metal Gear Solid II (PS 2)

9) Mario Kart: think about the casual gamer.  Everyone, even ****** plays this game.

10) Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (PS)

11) Metroid (NES)

12) Halo (XBOX)

13) Tomb Raider (PS)

14) Chrono Trigger (SNES)

15) Resident Evil (PS)

16) Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (PS 2)

17) Panzer Dragoon Saga (Sega Saturn)

18) Final Fantasy III (SNES)

19) Goldeneye (N 64)

20) Super Mario 64

21) Dragon Warrior NES

22) Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (PS 3)

23) Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (XBOX)

24) Final Fantasy Tactics (PS)

25) Devil May Cry (PS 2)

 

Some notes:

*****= name removed to protect the innocent

-NHL 93 vs NHL 94: The one-timers, better control, in game-options, empirically, made 94 a better game.  You cannot argue against the heart though.  I understand where you come from on this ******.

-There are lots of fighting games not on the list.  the problem I have with them is that this is more about 'the series' than any one game.  Each one, inherently lacks depth and his repetitive.  The various Mortal Kombats, Soul Calibers (the most recent with Darth Vader is amazing), and Tekkens can never get you the involved gameplay that are so important to me and other hardcore gamers

-System Breakdown:

NES: 4, Playstation: 5, Super Nintendo: 3, XBOX: 2, Nintendo 64: 3, Playstation 2: 4, PS 3: 1, Sega Saturn: 1, Sega Genesis: 2

-I started to do a system by system breakdown but thought that might be too much.

-There are a few titles on there who's commercial success did not match the stature of the game.  The Panzer Dragoon Saga came out right before the end of the Sega Saturn.  It was an absolute achievement and only sold around 10k copies in the US.

-You should be able to see a bias towards older games.  This is intentional.  Everyone is very quick to throw the latest game atop the heap.  Games now, for the most part, are like big budget movies.  There really aren't that many that really make a lot of money because of increased production costs.  This is a bad trend in gaming.  Games are now rated on 'voice acting talent' the way they used to be rated on 'graphics and sound'.  There are some INCREDIBLE games out right now that are visually compelling and fun to play.  They mostly lose replay value because of elaborate cut scenes, dialogue etc.  Replay value is huge now because games cost $60.

-Final Note: I have beaten all the games on the above list that are beatable.

Your friend,

Gus Johnson's Whisper

Don't Believe The Hype

On the Today Show... today, they had a political expert on who said that if Obama is elected president, he'll have to spend a good deal of time and effort managing the enormous expectations that his candidacy has created.  Basically, he'll have to say 'relax bruh' to America.  We've seen this kind of hype before... in sports.  How about some of these:

-Harold Miner: The next Jordan/Baby Jordan.  Blah blah blah.

Remember that time when Harold Miner was out of the league after 4 years?  We do.  He may not have played defense, but at least he couldn't shoot.

-Ben McDonald: unless you grew up an Orioles fan (which we did), you can't possibly know the extent of the hype this guy got.  This was to be the Orioles' answer to Roger Clemens.  A workhorse who would win 20 games a year, strike out 300, pitch for 15 years, retire and open a restaurant in the area that everyone would go to and remember the time he pitched in the World Series and struck out 46 batters in 9 innings.  That's not quite how it turned out.

-Todd Van Poppel: we couldn't find a picture of him because A's fans deleted them all from the internet.  

-Brian Bosworth and Tony Mandarich: they are always on these kinds of lists.  Everyone knows about them and they should know about them.  What do they have in common?  Mullets in their primes.  Let that be a lesson to you kids, you can do steroids all day and twice on Sundays but you cannot get away with having a mullet.  

-Joe Smith: While he's still in the NBA and has carved out a nice career for himself, the dude went #1 over all.  Everyone, yes everyone, thought he was going to be a monster.  11 and 7 for your career is not a monster... unless it's the dreaded 11 and 7 monster that is always threatening peaceful villages and stealing chickens from the coop.  Is it coop or coup?  Anyone know?

-Akili Smith: Ha!  Right in your mouthpiece Bengal fans.

-The Sega Dreamcast: No one made games for it.  They thought it would beat the Playstation and change the world.  It did except for the exact opposite.

-Lamb: It's like this super gourmet meat that is really expensive and it's supposed to be really exciting when it's on the menu.  1) No where near as good as steak  2) Weird texture to the meat  3) You've always got to deal with so much bone.  Why is their so much bone?

-Peter Warrick: People don't tend to think of him when they... well they just don't think of him.  We saw him in college so many times and anointed him the next greatest thing in the NFL.  Still, to this day, Gus Johnson's Whisper has no idea how that guy isn't a unique NFL weapon.

-Foreign NBA players not named Dirk Nowitzki or Pau: Think about this collection of dudes that were drafted high and are just guys on a roster: Bargnani, Ji, Darko, Danilo, Primoz Brezec, a dude named Tsakalides and more.

-Herschel Walker bobsledding: Do not tell me how many push ups and sit ups a guy does per day and finish out of the medals.  7th place does not butter the biscuit.

Also, why does no one talk about how weird it is that a super-jacked balck dude has the same name as the yiddish guy that runs the incredible deli around the corner from my apartment?