The MVP

One thing that Gus Johnson's Whisper hates (and by extension, we assume that Gus Johnson must hate as well) is how the NBA MVP is decided. Not so much the voting process, because that is as equitable as the process can be, but rather the 'pack mentality' that develops. It's an interesting phenomenon. At some point during the season, enough analysts, tv personalities, columnists and the like declare '______ is the MVP hands down'. As soon as that tipping point occurs, all the voters rush to line up and cast their ballots for the 'hands down MVP'.

The most glaring example of this occurred last year (repeating this year with Lebron) with Kobe Bryant. Now, Kobe was outstanding last year; this is not up for debate. But, what GJW believes is that the key word in the award is 'Valuable'. The Lakers were a very good team last year (made it to the finals). Do they do that without Kobe? No. But, are they good enough to be a playoff team if you put an average NBA 2 in his place? Absolutely. Especially after the Gasol heist.

2 players last year deserved the NBA MVP more than Kobe Bryant: Lebron James and Chris Paul.

Take either of those 2 guys off their teams, and not only do they not go to the playoffs, but they are in danger of winning the lottery. I won't go into a John Hollinger breakdown as that is not why you are reading. Just know that the same thing happened the year before when Dirk Nowitzki won the award with a season that was not his statistical best (fewer rebounds, pts, blocks, FT attempted per game, steals and somehow, he had a 'transcendent' season.). The award for the '06-'07 year should have gone to either Steve or Kobe Bryant. We could go on and on about this. Email us if you want a further dialogue.

This year's MVP will be Lebron James.

We've past the tipping point and now, much like critics of global warming, any contrarian is shouted down. Lebron is certainly a fine choice as he is the linchpin on the best team in the East and a legit title contender. But again, Valuable is the key word.

Lebron's per game #s of 28.4 pts, 7.6 boards, 7.5 assists, 1.7 steals and 1.2 blocks are incredible. Especially when you consider that he sat out a lot of 4th quarters or large portions of games because his team was rolling. Know what else was incredible? His #s last year. 30 points, 7.9 boards, 7.2 assists, 1.8 steals and 1.1 blocks. Weird. Those numbers look really similar to us. But again, we've had that tipping point occur where there is no doubt in a voter's mind that this year is somehow more special than a better statistical effort from a year ago. The hype has gotten so out of control that Lebron is now being mentioned for the All-Defensive Team. The .1 more blocks per game really were that noticeable?

Cleveland has the exact same team from last year with the exception of Mo Williams. The only possible explanation is that Lebron has a 'special year'. The guy was just as special last year.

As for this season, the MVP should be Dwayne Wade.

Think about Miami's squad. Lottery team last year with Wade hurt. It happened. They were epic bad. This year, a rotating cast of dung surrounded Wade. Literally, without him, this team might have won 10 games. With defenses keying only on him, with no one else capable of getting to the basket to create space, with no post scoring, with a clueless rookie coach, and every other factor working against him, he did this:

30.2, 5 boards, 7.5 assists, 2.2 steals, 1.7 blocks. Give him the Cavs group of shooters, he gets 9 assists per. It's hard to get an assist when you are kicking it out to Joel Anthony.

Again, look at those defensive numbers. 4 blocks and steals per game from a 2 guard. Yet, no All-Defensive mention. He'll finish a distant 2nd in the voting which is OK because it means that he might get a make-up MVP at someone else's expense. We guess that's the pattern, you don't earn the MVP the year you should, you get delayed a year or 2 and earn the right hype.

Wizards Seek NBA Rule Change

Today, Washington Wizards GM Ernie Grunfield filed a brief with the NBA Office in New York with little fanfare.  After reading this article in the Washington Post:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/03/05/AR2009030501651.html

It occurred to Grunfeld that the Wizards were being short changed in the way games were being officiated and counted.

  

The brief never made it to the desk of David Stern, NBA Commissioner and eater of city councilmen who won't do new arena deals at the expense of citizens.  Instead, the brief was read by an intern and then summarily shredded and subsequently burned.  What were it's contents?  Our street correspondent, Bubb Rubb, was able to salvage some of the ashes and said:

'That's only in da mow-nin.  You 'posed to be up cookin bref-fest by then...'

Bubb Rubb has since been fired by Gus Johnson's Whisper.

We were able to determine that the Wizards' GM was attempting to get the league to change the rules so that 'Hustle Stats' would count in the final outcome of the game.  Example:

If Wizards SF and busted jump-shooter Dominic 'Have Trouble Throwing It Into the Ocean from the Beach' McGuire bricks an open jumper off the bottom of the front of the rim, chases the rebound out of bounds and dives into the 3rd row before the possession changes, under current NBA rules, that counts as nothing.

Grunfeld wanted the league to review its scoring policy.  'For so long, we've been under the same fascist system of 'baskets' and 2s and 3s and sometimes free throws.  So maybe I'm outside the box on this and maybe I wanted to deflect attention away from the fact that I signed Etan Thomas, to one of the worst contracts in history, or that Deshawn Stevenson will be here 3 more years.  Let's find a way to make this thing work.  Hurry home soon Gilbert.'

Under Grunfeld's plan, McGuire would be averaging a staggering 41 points per game.  The most valuable points under this system are given to guys who can't actually score.  Grunfeld's system lowers the value of so called 'dominant players' like Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, and Lebron James.  The system is also creative in other ways.

Power forwards baskets will only count for .25 points.  This is an attempt to slow the trend,  since the arrival of Antawn Jamison, of power forwards having career games vs the Wizards.  When asked about his opinion of the new plan, Atlanta Hawks 4th option Marvin Williams said, "Oh hell no son!  I need them Wizards games to keep that average up!  Yo, you can't just get 28 and 12 on everybody!"

The plan has some other tricky facets.  According to our sources, here is what we know:

-Point Guards are not allowed to penetrate past the free throw line and easily break down a defense.  The must stay outside a new circular arc to be painted 15 feet around the basket.

-Teams without any consistent outside shooters get a 13 point pre-game bonus

-Teams that have no reason to play veterans and some younger players to develop but continue to give meaningful minutes to said veterans receive Domino's Pizzas in the locker room after road games.

-Any team that is willing to start an unathletic 6'8" Lithuanian at Center is given the 6 seed in the Eastern Conference regardless of record.

-Any team with a big man that is scared of the better big men in the league (Howard, Garnett) but puffs up against scrubs will be allowed 5 free dunks to be followed by mandatory 'look at me' chest pounds and subsequent 'skyward finger points'.  A 1 point bonus per dunk will be included if the players on the bench execute the 'hold me back because I'm laughing so hard' move.

Needless to say, the measure did not pass the hurdles necessary to be brought before the NBA Competition Committee.  'We'll keep trying,' said Grunfeld.  'It's not fair that we are the worst team in basketball.  It's the fault of the rules and not the brutal team I assembled while preaching continuity in order to keep my job.'

The Bureau of Fan Intervention

Enough is enough.  We're over here watching these absurd baseball trades going down.  There are more coming.  We also sit by while NBA teams make horrible trades to 'clear cap space'.  

'OK... so we'll give you Marcus Camby for those really cool shoes you had on when we met in Phoenix and that recipe for caramel brownies... I know, caramel is so delicious but no one ever mentions it! ...  Anyway, enjoy Marcus for nothing in return.  I'm gonna go back and figure out a way to word the increase in parking costs so it sounds less menacing.'

Since Pres-elect Obama is going to come strong with the power of the government, Gus Johnson's Whisper wants to create 'The Bureau of Fan Intervention'.

Here's how it works:

-A bi-partisan group of neutral sports fans and astute members of the fan base (you can't have haters on there.  Like, if we were on the BFI for the Cowboys, we'd sabotage the team... wait, maybe we'd just let them run it like they are?  Tough to say... you get the point).  We're thinking 9 people.  The fans of a team must answer questionnaires and score highly on all categories that would include: general knowledge of the sport, team history, current make-up, league trends, and depending on the sport, must be able to throw a football through a tire from 20 yards, hit a baseball out of the infield, make a free throw.  We don't want a bunch of Costases running around.

-The group would convene several times per year, right before the trading deadline, before the draft, and constantly through free agency.  Both future moves and past moves of the current regime would be analyzed.

-Major team decisions are put on trial.  If a GM/management team can show good cause, the move passes.  If not, besides not allowing the move, fans that have been priced out receive discounted tickets for (10 home games in baseball, 5 in basketball, and 1 non-preseason game in the NFL).

-Any move where 'cash considerations' are involved is summarily dismissed.

-Any series of moves, like the Padres past (and current!) fire sale, result in an immediate forfeit of the team by the ownership.  The panel will then determine if the GM was hamstrung or complicit in the decisions.  If he was in on it, he will be fired and then be forced to purchase season tickets in the 'club level' and watch every home game from said seats where he will wear a sign on his back that says 'I created this mess.  I was the GM when the decisions were made'.

-Not all teams have to try to win every year.  If some semblance of a plan can be demonstrated, the moves will be allowed to pass.  Sometimes plans don't work out.  Sometimes you swing and miss.

-Any trade where a star is traded for an aging player who is more of a name (think Shaq for Sean Marion), will require the franchise to give front row seats to people with IQ's below 80 who are excited because they recognize the name of the aging star and are not capable of perceiving his drop in production.

-Any time an organization wants to not acquire a star because they over-inflate the value of their own prospects (think yankees ball-washing the likes of Phillip Hughes instead of dealing him for JOHAN SANTANA!), said prospects must be introduced before every home game as 'here's the guy we wouldn't trade for ____'.

-Any time a team sells off a draft pick because they don't want to pay them, every fan who attends a home game for the 1st half of the season gets to take 5 jumpers/warm-up pitches/field goal attempts on the field/court while the home team is warming up.  This will fill the void of the player that should have been (think phoenix suns selling 1st round draft picks every year)

-If a team bids against itself and overpays a player, each owner must give the exact amount of the overbid to a local charity.  If there is that much cash around, you need better outlets.  (think Gilbert Arenas and the Wizards)

-If there is a shady move, a cheap-a$$ move, or other shenanigans (think again of the Wizards keeping Etan Thomas on the active roster all last year after he had OPEN HEART SURGERY so the team was always a man short instead of paying another FA to come in and take the roster spot).  A fan, determined by a lottery before every game, will get to dress with the team and go through pre-game warm-ups.  If the game is out of reach as determined by a pre-determined set of rules, said fan will be allowed on the field of play and take whatever position he wants.  Example, We'd never let the opposing QB kneel down.  Ever.  We'd line up at nose guard and declare: 'are you going to kneel down?'  if they answered yes, we'd just kick the ball away from the center.  After it was returned, we'd ask again.  Repeat.  Until the answer is no.  Too many fantasy matchups for wasted plays.

Thems the rules.  We welcome suggestions before we take our bi-laws to the various league offices.

I'm... Ron... Burgundy?

It's Anchorman!  Not Anchorlady!  Here at Gus Johnon's Whisper, we were thinking about the NBA season.  We were also watching Anchorman.  The following is an NBA preview based on Anchorman quotes.  We know, it is genius.

"I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild." - The New York Knicks.  Mike D'A'N't'ioni brings the running game to New York.  He took the extra $5 mil to coach a team that fits his style like a size 2 fits a chick in the 'before picture'.  Maybe the J is soft Eddy Curry... maybe the j is soft.  

"We've been coming to this same party for 13 years.  And in no way is that depressing." - The Spurs.  OH MY GOD we are so sick of this team.  If we have to watch them on national TV and we see the Tim Duncan 'you whistled me for a foul? MEEEEE?' face one more time, we're just gonna spit.

"take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while." - The Washington Wizards.  Here's the thinking: Outbid yourself by 30 million to sign popular star with knee issues, barely make playoffs amid constant 'are they better without him?' talk, lose in 1st round.  Repeat.

"I'm in a glass case of emotion!' - The Boston Celtics.  Hey did you know that Kevin Garnett is competitive?  It slipped right past me when every single analyst talked about it the David Stern mandated 4.2 times per 10 minutes.  Also, Paul Pierce cried last night when they raised the banner.  

"Great Oden's Raven" - The Portland Trail Blazers.  Today's little news blurb next to Greg Oden on my fantasy roster: 'Oden to have MRI'.  No one saw that coming.

"Milk was a poor choice" - The Minnesota Timerbwolves.  We're trying to start a movement to call Kevin Love 'Milk'.  It's because he's chalky white and tough to digest for some people.  Help spread the word.

"Guess what, I do. I know that one day Veronica and I are gonna to get married on top of a mountain, and there's going to be flutes playing and trombones and flowers and garlands of fresh herbs. And we will dance till the sun rises. And then our children will form a family band. And we will tour the countryside and you won't be invited." - The Phoenix Suns.  Very quietly, the Suns are a terrible organization.  They are competitive every year so we don't notice them fleecing their fans by selling draft picks to save $ that could have helped them get over the hump.  The 'Shaquisition' last year ranks among the more delusional moves moves in the history of sport.

"I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back. I want to be on you." - The Philadelphia 76ers.  Everyone is making this their 'team to watch' pick.  Let us know when Andre Miller and Samue Dalembert are ready to be key guys on a championship team.  6 seed.  Thanks for stopping by.

"Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it Sand Diego... which is of course German for a 'whale's vagina" - The Sacramento Kings.  Sacramento is a German word for 'who the f*%* is John Salmons?'

"Well I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship used during the Civil War Era."  - The Indiana Pacers.  Once TJ Ford gets hurt, you've got Travis Deiner, Mike Dunleavy, Troy Murphy, Rasho Nesterovic, and Danny Granger.  That is diversity right there.

"The human torch was denied a bank loan."  - The Houston Rockets.  Ron Artest is the human torch.  He was also recently denied a loan according to our sources.

"I pooped a cornish game hen." - The Memphis Grizzlies.  All 87 fans in attendance get a Marc Gasol beard blanket.

"I'm proud of you fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight." - Charlotte Bobcats.  We're calling any time Larry Brown takes a job that he's going to hate 'a cock fight'.

"Mmmmm... I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone come see how good I look." - Los Angeles Lakers.  It looks good on paper.  Let me ask you this, would you be ready to bet on them with the ongoing Odom contract year/not enough touches for everyone subplot?  This could be like an NBA cowboys situation.  Then again, they might just win 65 games and roll over everyone.

**** Some people pointed this out to us and we just looked it up... and we're idiots. Bill Simmons did a great version of this in 2005 for a column about NBA Summer Moves. Here it is:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/050804 His was totally first, and actually well written. Apologies to the Sports Guy and thanks to those that let us know.*****

NBA JAM!!!

At Gus Johnson's Whisper, we love classic things.  And by classic things, we mean video games from when we were kids.  The best basketball game ever made is NBA Jam.  The debate is over 2nd place.  Ohhhh but what about NBA 2K Live To The Streets The Life '10?  Nope.  Dumb.  Basketball games are always bad for some reason.  Maybe it's the sideview screen, maybe it's the play controls, or maybe it's just that we're not kids.  Whatever.  NBA Jam was great.

Anyway, we realized that 2 NBA Jam players: Scott Skiles and Terry Porter are now NBA head coaches.  This got us to thinking, who would make the best NBA Jam pairings today?  We're going to keep it real.  You'll see:

Eastern Conference

Boston: Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen.  The big guy/little guy combo would be devastating.  'He's heating up' every 13 seconds for Ray Allen with KG lurking to protect the rim/goaltend.

Detroit: Rasheed Wallace and Rip Hamilton.  This would be an annoying team because their ratings wouldn't be that good but somehow, when you played against them on the computer they would be awkwardly close.  Especially if the game was on juice mode.

Orlando: Rashard Lewis and Hedo Turkoglu.  Shaq wasn't in this game because he was a bagadouche, so we can only assume that no Orlando big men can be included.  This team would struggle to stop you but it would be 3 ball in your eyepiece all afternoon or evening depending on when you were playing.

Cleveland: Zyldrunas Ilgauskas and Delonte West.  You know Lebron James would play it like MJ/Shaq/Barkley (Barkley was available in the earlier versions, including the one that I had but later became unavailable once his game: 'shut up and jam' came out.  Note: shut up and jam sucked) and not allow himself to be included for some reason.  When he leaves Cleveland, does he get booed when he comes back?  I cannot wait to see what happens.

Washington: Antawn Jamison and Caron Butler.  This might be the exact opposite of the Tom Guggliata/Harvey Grant combo from the original.  Arenas would not be included because his knee passed away and is in the midst of designing his own basketball game where point guards have to take 22 shots per night.

Toronto: Chris Bosh and Jose Calderon.  Jose is on vacation so far away.  Call him up to talk it over.  So many things that I wanna say, you know I like my girls a little bit older...

Philadelphia: Elton Brand and Andre Igoudala.  This would be one of the nastier squads.  good defensive stats and high dunk ratings.  'Jams it in!'

Atlanta: Joe Jonson and Mike Bibby.  I hated teams with 2 guards and one would be a mini guy.  HATED.

Indiana: Danny Granger and Mike Dunleavy.  Exactly 0.0 defense.  This is the modern day Edwards/Lohaus team which no one ever lost to in the history of the game.

New Jersey: Vince Carter and Devin Harris.  I don't think NBA Jam had a rating for sand-bagging when the team is bad.  I'll check on that and get right back to you.

Chicago: Luol Deng and Kimberly Noah.  I like the way the Bulls do things.  If you draft players with the exact same skill set every year, you can corner the market.  No one else has 6'10" power forwards forced to play center without offensive game like we do.  Hello 10th place in the conference!

Charlotte: Jason Richardson and Gerald Wallace.  This team would be nasty.  Like my about to be 5-1 fantasy football team is nasty.  Was that outloud?  Whatever, 1st place does that to a man.  It makes him bold.  Like my decision to draft Aaron Rogers... bold.

Milwaukee: Richard Jefferson and Michael Redd.  Shooting percentage?  Over-rated stat.  In real life, I have no idea how Milwaukee will be this year. I talked myself into them finishing with the 4th seed the other day.  I really did.  I woke up today and put them 10th.  I have no idea.  No one knows.  I think it depends on how healthy Bogut is.  Boy that was great analysis.

New York: Zack Randolph and Jamal Crawford.  Ewing and Starks... similar in that they are each NBA players.  'Ugly shot... grabs the rebound'

Miami: Dwayne Wade and Sean Marion.  Eventually, this could grow into Beasley.  I feel like Marion would be the Larry Johnson of the modern NBA Jam.  Rated strong in every category.

West

LA Lakers: Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom.  Bryant, Kobe would never let himself be included.  He'd be at home, looking into the mirror repeating the phrase: 'the game of basketball' until he was convinced that he sounded enough like Jordan.

New Orleans: Chris Paul and Tyson Chandler.  NBA Jam wouldn't match the tightness of CP in real life.  He's Isiah Thomas without the hatred of his pears.  

San Antonio: Tim Duncan and Manu Ginobili.  He's on fire!  Ginobili would even make that 9/10 court underhand shot at the buzzer guaranteed.

Utah: Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer.  Tough call here as you want to include Kirilenko as the ultimate NBA Jam defender.  The problem is that he's a tremendous whiner.  NBA Jam was not a place for whiners.

Phoenix: Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire.  Shaq: 'I'm the big overpaid.  12 and 10 for 20 mil.  I tanked my way out of Miami and ate my way out of LA.  I can leave any place.  I'm the great travel agent.'

Dallas: Dirk Nowitzki and Josh Howard.  J-Kidd would be a good choice here if he hadn't passed away in 2005.

Denver: Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson.  We talkin bout a video game.  Ain't nobody ever won and lost 'cause of a video game.  I mean, it's a game.  I don't care if people look to me for how to compete in the league or that I'm under contract and thus obligated for no other reason than the MILLIONS of dollars I'm being paid, I ain't going to try hard all the time.

Golden State: They have 13 guys who are 6'4-6'8.  I miss you Chris Mullin from NBA Jam.  I don't miss you Chris Mullin from NBA GM.

Portland: Brandon Roy and Lamarcus Aldridge.  You have to have played an NBA game to be eligible Greg Oden.  Sorry.  Looking for 'never played a game there... never played a game... OK you still have control of the board Brandon'.

Sacramento: Kevin Martin and Brad Miller.  On the Kings website right now, it says: 'The Kings are coming to Stockton!'  Stockton?  One of the 15 worst places on Earth, it's right below Kabul but above that place in Thailand where they cane people.

LA Clippers: Baron Davis and Chris Kaman.  Elton Brand is not walking through that door!

Minnesota Timberwolves: Al Jefferson and .....  That Brewer guy from Florida?  What's that?  he averaged 4 a game last year and you have to average at least 5 to be in a video game?  Oh... ummm... Kevin McHale?  

Memphis: Rudy Gay and OJ Mayo.  Was there ever a glitch in NBA Jam where two players from the same team would fight for the ball?

Kevin Durant's Traveling Basketball Team: Kevin Durant and Chris Wilcox.  The biggest tragedy is that people aren't more outraged that David Stern and the other owners LOVED the move.  The precedent for holding a city hostage is great for sports.  Not.  Ooooh!  Old school 'not' in your eyepiece.  6th grade and shizzle.

Who would you play with?

Take us home NBA Jam theme music!