Top This!

We cannot believe how amazing this video is. Absolute genius in a time of non genius. Enjoy.

The Ultimate Paradox

This is weird you guys.  Gus Johnson, THE Gus Johnson, knows about our blog.  He may have even seen the blog.  Our hero, the inspiration for our entrance into the blogosphere, the best play by play guy alive, he knows about the blog.

The quick back story.  Our boy, The World's Ombudsman, had some great Knicks tickets the other night.  Our other buddy is employed by the team (it is not James Dolan and/or Isaiih Thomas), so TWO got to hang out in the tunnel during halftime.  It happened to be the game where the team honored Knicks legends (including our favorite childhood player Bernard King).  TWO is gazing upon all these legends before they are announced and is quickly introduced to someone... that someone happens to be Gus Johnson.

TWO informs him of our blog.  At first, Gus is a bit perplexed by the title.  TWO explains that it's in deference to his incredible calls and the energy he brings, reversing the trend of smug sportscasters who are too cool for the huge moments in sports (Joe Buck).  They talk for a few minutes, then part ways.  Our Knicks buddy may have even shown Gus our blog.

Are we happy about this?  What if he didn't like it?  What the hell do we do if he doesn't like it?  Can you just walk up to your hero and show him the diorama you made for school?  What if he's like, 'that doesn't look like me'?

There's no one better than him.  We've said it all along.  He's the reason we started this blog.  Keep doing what you're doing Gus.  From all of us at the Gus Johnson's Whisper blog team, thank you for doing what you do.

Running Diary Part II

Here is the second part of the running diary.  All the way through the afternoon games.  Gus Johnson's Whisper and The World's Ombudsman.  Giddyup:

3:07-Back to Lundquist (VL)and Raftery.  We get the Pitt East Tennesee State matchup.  Raftery does his ‘mantoman’ thing to start the game.  It’s a kind of ‘welcome to the game.  I’ll be here’ kind of thing.

3:12-We realize the game we are watching is being played at Dayton.  We’re wondering what the reaction is when guys find out they have to go to Dayton to play?  It’s probably the same reaction guys have when they find out they’re going to the dentist.

3:13-TWO wonders if anyone from Dayton left something in their home locker room?  Whoopie cushion?  Turd sandwich?  The possibilities are endless.

3:19-ETSU alley oop dunk.  Tie game.  It looks like Pitt doesn’t like to be pressed.  Wonder if anyone else will notice this?

3:28-Raftery tells us that Isaiih Brown of ETSU has lots of ‘bounce to the ounce’.  Is that like the formula for slope in geometry?

3:33-Shot of VL and Raftery.  VL looks like a white version of ‘Grimace’.  He also looks like the end boss at the end of Super Mario Brothers 2 on NES.

3:36-Dayton is up 8 on West Virginia.  Looks like we were REALLY wrong about WVU.  Unless they win, then we were right.

3:37-ETSU has entered the 5 guys stand around and 1 guy goes 1 on 1 mode.  This does not bode well for the first 16 over a 1 upset.

3:43-The discussion of the term ‘mid-major’ leads to believe that said term is overused.  It’s being used for any team that makes the tournament.  Stephen F Austin is not a mid major.  We coin the term ‘Minor’ and move on.

3:46-Pitt continues to struggle with the pressure.  They are up 2.  How are you feeling about your brackets right now Pitt fans?

3:55-Some more facebook analysis.  Female pictures examined.  GJW just kind of nods and agrees a lot.

3:57-Pitt has 13 turnovers in the half.  ATTENTION!  ATTENTION! We don’t handle the press well!  Halftime up 1 over East Tennessee State.  Make it 3.  Basket was no good.  Whatever.  Ov-er-Ra-ted, duh duh duh duh duh, Ov-er-Ra-ted…

4:01-Spanarkal joke # 19 comes up as CBS switches back to ASU Temple.  This joke involves spackle and a swing set.  Temple is in the game because of Christmas.  Harden continues to be ‘just a guy’.  Enjoy him whoever picks him.

4:06-The short white guy on ASU pulls up with a back.  We believe this is a flash-forward to his life 25 years later at the local Y.

4:09-Christmas steals the ball from Harden and then outruns him down the other end to draw a foul on a 1 on 2.  We feel this is a microcosm.  We looked up micrcosm to be sure we were right.

4:12-All things considered, CBS is doing a pretty good job of tossing us to the games that are competitive.  We feel this is because Billy Packer is no longer associated with the tournament.

4:17-ETSU 3 to start the half.  Tie game.  This is way too late for a national champ contender to be tied with a 16 seed.

4:18-TWO goes: ‘Wanna see a video of a leopard attacking someone?’  Yes.  Yes we do.

4:20-ETSU misses their 100^th free throw.  In the ‘Anatomy of an Upset’, nowhere is it written: ‘The lower seeded team should miss all of its free throws.’  So annoying.  This 16 over a 1 thing could be had.  It’s right there.

4:28-THE ETSU dude screams ‘GET IT OUT!’ on a block.  We rewind this a dozen times.  Incredible.

4:30-The Kiss!  Another Pitt turnover.  ETSU is down 2.  They are teasing us. 

4:32-TWO breaks down the Wild Wings commercial where the flash photographer sends the game into overtime.  Here are the issues he has:

-NYC and Boston fans are acting harmoniously.

-People don’t root for an outcome, rather, for the game to go on indefinitely.  This is not how fans watch games. 

-All the fans in attendance celebrate when the Boston player crashes into the base of the basket.  If this were a real game, people would be rioting.

He is incensed.  Let’s move on.

4:39-We’re now 6 minutes behind live TV because of the above paragraph.  ETSU continues to miss free throws.  They rebound well though.

4:43- VL claims to have had a ‘sports hernia for most of his life.’  No idea how to react to this.

4:48-Previews for ‘Fast & Furious’ air.  Baffling.  Hollywood really sucks sometimes.  This is one of those times.

4:50-Dear everyone, press us and you can win.  Signed, Pitt.

4:52-GJW makes the statement: ‘Levance Fields is the new Kalid El-Amin.’  Everyone agrees to this.

4:58-More ETSU missed free throws.  Dejaun Blair tips in a miss.  Pitt up 5.  Blair is unstoppable.  Pitt will lose when he gets in foul trouble.  They’re just not that good unless he’s on the floor.

5:05-Another TO for Pitt..  2 pt game.  Blair gets an And 1.  If ETSU shoots 70% from the foul line, they’re up 7 at this point.  As it stands, they don’t have enough.

5:14-Ball game.  Stick a fork in ETSU.  The shot 50% from the line, and like 29% from the field and they were STILL in the game until the end.  The Pitt Panthers everyone!

5:18-Back to Gus Johnson.  We were wondering all along how he’s been doing.  He didn’t like that West Virginia turned it over.  GJ doesn’t like turnovers when you need buckets.  Conversely, he loves the Chevrolet Players of the Game.

End of the afternoon games.

Running Diary of Round 1

On Friday March 20^th, Gus Johnson’s Whisper got together with The World’s Ombudsman to watch the tournament.  The following is a running diary.

 

Running Diary:

1PM-GJW arrives at the TWO’s apt.  We eat dumplings.  The full meal cost $4.  Recession b*tches.

1:10-1:30-We look at facebook pictures.

1:30-CBS gives us Gus Johnson then takes him away.  This is a cruel act.

1:31-GJW makes the first joke about Jim Spanarkal (who is partnered with I-an Eagle).  One of the jokes involves the word ‘merkel’.

1:33-The OK St./Tenn game comes on because it’s close.  Vern Lundquist.  Really?  This feels like figure skating.  This game is a reminder that the Big XII and SEC were really terrible this year.

1:38-We realize that when you watch games online on NCAA.com, you can’t switch games during commercials.  We both realize this is smart because that’s exactly what you want to do but it’s also annoying because that’s exactly you want to do.

1:45-Gus Johnson is back.  Len Elmore tells us that turnovers are bad for a team with a lead.  There was some confusion over this.  Settled!

1:46-TWO informs us that he picked North Dakota State to beat Kansas.  This is not a good pick, even if they win, it’s still not good.  This is like someone bragging about how early they wake up in the morning.  You know what?  I’m more rested than you because sleep is awesome.

1:48- Gus Johnson is building his excitement.  3 point game with 14 to play.  Kansas is nervous.  GJ is excited.  He can sense that upset.  He’s like a lion stalking a herd of gazelle on the African plains.

1:52-NDST makes a bucket.  We discuss the white wash and how awkward it is for the one black guy on the bench.  What music gets played in the locker room?

1:55-TWO explains the definition of a ‘Cheap 6’.  We can’t link to it here but it’s fascinating.

1:56- Gus Johnson compares a SDST player to Steve Nash and accuses him of being ‘A BALLER!’  We love Gus Johnson.

1:58-Applebees Commercial.  Who goes to Applebees?  Like who says: ‘I need to hit up the Bees right now or I’ll be so angry I could spit’?

2:00-GJ is just carrying Len Elmore right now.  LE is reading off stats with the excitement of a librarian on lithium.  Why can’t they just pair GJ with Raftery?  I guess that makes too much sense.

2:03-GJ makes a joke about Archie Bell.  Who in hell is Archie Bell?  It’s as awkward as it sounds. 

2:04-A BS charge is called against NDST.  The charge is ruining basketball.  We blame Duke.

2:06-NDST has no answer for Collins or Aldrich.  The 3s aren’t falling.  Yet, they are only down 5.  Ben Woodside.  Remember that name.  Remember it because you’ll never see him again unless you take a tour of a national park.  He’ll be giving the tour.

2:07-GJ has to read a promo for the Mentalist.  We’re going to have to watch the show now.  That’s how good GJ is, he makes terrible crime dramas on CBS sound serviceable.

2:15-Kansas goes up 10.  GJ says they are beginning to ‘stiffen up’ the D.  See you later Gus.  We’re changing games now.

2:18-Shot of Travis Ford, Oklahoma State’s coach.  TWO and GJW discuss how he could pull a great Billy Hoyle routine on an all black court in LA.  ‘I may be a chump.  Just saying that ain’t my name.  I played for Pitino.’

2:20-Verne Lundquist says ‘double bonus’.  It sounds like he’s talking about a real estate deal.  He fits college hoops like a bear fits into a book club.

2:23-GJW and TWO eat a Clementine.  How good are clementines?  Why are they not called ‘lil’ oranges’.  Or ‘Lornges’?

2:27-OSU calls a timeout.  Tie game with 1:30 left.  What are they discussing?  ‘Hey, listen up!  Neither of these teams should be in the tourney.  One of us should be St. Mary’s.  So get out there and be futile.’

2:29-Raftery uses ‘physicallity’ and ‘whirling derivsh’ in a sentence.  Awesome.

2:31-OSU ball down 1, 10 seconds…. AND 1!  Wow!  Raftery… ‘THE KISS!’  ‘Loungerie on the DECK!’  He’s incredible.

2:33-Quick cut to Marquette icing it against Utah St.  If Utah is a state university, why do you need Utah State?  Sell the naming rights.

2:34-The color guy on the Marquette game said this: ‘The best case for Utah State here is for Marquette to miss both free throws. The second best case is for him to miss 1.’  We are unsure as to the 3^rd best scenario.

2:36-Tennessee loses.  Sad.  No more Bruce Pearl.  Quick cut to Marquette.  Utah State banks in a 3 to go down 2 with 23 left.  It’s interesting again.  We feel bad for Marquette because they lost a great player on a freak injury.  They would have been a much better team.  Now, they’re Utah State good.

2:38-We check our email.  We get an email from Williams Sonoma.  We’re on a mailing list b/c of a wedding registry.  The couple is now divorced.  Where are we in the settlement?  We sunk $ and energy into that thing and we get nothing back.  We’re still deleting emails every other day from Pottery Barn too.  See what we’re saying?

2:41-Marquette wins.  Exciting game.  Think about what we said Utah State… think about it.

2:45-Temple/Arizona State is just starting.  This will be our definitive ‘Evaluation of James Harden and wether he should be a top 10 pick like everyone is saying.’  We’re trying to be unbiased but we’re leaning towards ‘not’.

2:57-Deonte Christmas drills another 3.  Temple sucks but this dude is nasty.  Someone could do a lot worse than drafting this guy… a lot worse like James Harden?  It’s not like they’re matched up against each other so you can get a good comparison.. what's that?  They're covering each other... Ah... Let's move on.

2:59-Gene Hackman does Loes voiceovers.  He’s done it for years.  Gary Sinice is doing Army ads.  Neither of these guys needs the $.  You can’t book another voiceover guy for these things?

3:00-Why is it ‘I-an Eagle?’  It’s ‘ee-an’ for everyone else.  If we knew him, we’d never stop pointing this out.

3:03-bad pass comes to Harden.  He could have gone down 1 on 1 in transition.  Instead, he pulls back and runs the offense.  Wouldn’t lottery picks just go score there?  The answer is yes.  We don’t get it.

END PART 1

Hadoken! Gus Johnson, Street Fighter.

ESPN the Mag had a nice little bit about our resident hero, Gus Johnson.  You can check it out here:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3797928

We've been arguing, with anyone who would listen, that you simply have to bump the team of Jim Nantz and Billy Packer off the huge college hoop games.  Nantz is a solid sportscaster.  He really is.  You know where we want our solid sportscasters?  Game #3, the 4th biggest event of the weekend, with the B crew etc.  He tells you what happens.  That's tight in golf where you have to be all quiet or Tiger Woods will snap at you, but not in the frantic, hectic, and insane NCAA tourney.

Give us Gus Johnson and give him to us every single time.  He makes terrible games decent, great games transcendent, and makes every other announcer out there sound like Ben Stein.  Recently, we did a radio show with the stats guy from the NFL announcing team of Gus Johnson and Steve Tasker.  Stats Guy also worked with GJ during March Madness.  He told us this:

'Higher seeded teams got scared when they saw Gus was working the game.  They would talk about it.  I'm not kidding.  They got nervous.  The players know.  They saw all those Davidson games, the Gonzaga upset, and on down the line.  They felt like, 'oh sh*t, Gus Johnson always calls those upsets.'

How about that bruh?  He's the best.  No one can match the genuine excitement he brings.  It's not forced, it's real.  The dude just loves it.

We've often been asked, who should his partner be?  Who is the college hoops dream team?

It's not Vitale, he's a chucklehead.

It's not Clark Kellog, although he's under rated.

It's not Packer because, as stated above, he is the worst.

It's not Jay Bilas because f*ck Duke.

It's not Len Elmore, although he'd be second on our list.

It IS Bill Raftery.  

Sample dialogue:

GJ: 'Shot clock is turned off.  UCONN, down 2, 8.5 seconds left to play.'

BR: 'They'll be looking for a dribble drive here.  Jimmy Calhoun, so good at setting up what he wants.  Putting people in place... ORCHESTRATING'

GJ: 'Roy Williams now, calling out instructions.'

BR: 'He wants Hansborough to guard the inbounder.  No easy passes.'

GJ: 'We're set to go here.  Dyson to inbound for UCONN... He does to Price in the backcourt... Drives on Lawson... KICKS IT OUT TO DYSON..... AT THE BUZZER.... OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!'

BR: 'THE ONIONS!!!!!!!'

GJ: 'OH MY!  WHAT A GAME!  UCONN, AT THE BUZZER!  JEROME DYSON!'

BR: 'They drew it up Gus.  Price on the clearout, draws the defender, kicks it to Dyson... Gets the puppies set............... FERTHREE' (note, the tightness of Bill Raftery saying 'for three' in the superfastRaftery voice cannot be measured)

God that would be awesome.  Not only because of the GJ/Raftery combo but because Tyler Hansborough would be making his eli manning/hansborough I just got fouled with no call combo face.  That would be great.